In her latest any-old-last-minute-shit-will-do Indy article, Liberal Democrat voter, ethical personal brand builder, nazi-hacker liker, and former Workers’ Girder non-columnist Laurie Penny (Brighton College, Oxford, Harvard) saw fit to bestow this wee nugget upon us:
“In a capitalist world, smoking is a little sub-economy of communism. You share cigarettes, matches, lighters, papers. When strangers come up to you in the street and ask you for a cigarette, you give them one, because you understand.”
That’s right – nailed it! Here are a few other things that are a little bit communism.
When you offer to make your cleaner a cup of darjeeling – that’s a bit communism.
When you let the au-pair eat in the same room as you – that’s a little bit communism too.
When you don’t know anyone working class – that’s a little bit communism. Beyond the barriers that separate us.
When Kate Winslet wins an oscar and thanks other people – that’s a little bit communism.
When Kate marries a cameraman – COMMUNISM!
When Kate divorces a cameraman – REVANCHISM!
Letting strangers share your taxi – that’s communism coming out your ears.
When Rachel Khoo shows you how to make a bun on telly – that’s a bit communism.
When you tip a waiter (doesn’t matter where) – that’s a bit communism.
But if you’re with “the rents” in Kenya, or someplace that might as well be the moon, unless you’re Kenyan, it’s one bit more communism. Not only one bit more communism, it’s a bit colonial-communism, the bestest communism ever.
Emptying your tray into the bin and slotting it into the little rack thing – McDonald’s is a bit communism. Official.
When Beyonce urges comrades to #StayStrong in the face of assaults by liberals, lifestylists and haters by proclaiming that the “best revenge is your paper” – that is loads communism.
Letting someone shine your shoes in the street as a sign of respect – awfully communism.
Bringing shoeshiners back will be part of the Proletarian Democracy manifesto. They are well good for the word on the street.
GO HOME, GET YOUR FUCKIN SHINEBOXES, AND PREPARE FOR VICTORY!
Meanwhile in 1937 Barcelona:
“Every shop and cafe had an inscription saying that it had been collectivised; even the bootblacks had been collectivized and their boxes painted red and black.”
See? Orwell sez Shoeshiners is a bit communism. And if Eric said it, it’s Fact.
At the risk of being denounced for making arbitrary declarations on behalf of the class, shoes in general are progressive. Itinerant shoe-menders travelled from town to town spreading the good old cause, so of course the new Proletarian Democracy slogan has to be:
But we digress.
You cannot have communism in capitalist society. You cannot have an economy in communism. Do fags just produce themselves? Is that how it works for Laura and her tarot card reader and off-grid entrepreneur Alexander McQueen begowned mates? Others existing to produce things for them to share out? Is that it? Is it bollocks.
Comrade Vallejo photo by Vientoviolento.