Proletarian Democracy Eurovision Song Contest Preview (Part 1)

The Eurovision Song Contest, cultural Marxism’s flagship spectacle, is a highlight in every communist’s calendar, or should be. We proudly present part 1 of the official Proletarian Democracy preview of all the entries. The following score system applies.

PD eurovision score table

1: Austria – Natalia Kelly – Shine

When hurt is all you’re feeling, your heart is slowly bleeding
The only memories to hold on to
When you almost stop believing, you’re cold, alone and freezing
You think you’re lost and don’t know where to go
Look up to the starlit sky, reignite the fire
You will shine, shine and fight the shadows in the sky

What’s it about?
The loneliness of the far-left paper seller.

Sounds like:
A somnambulant Travis.

VERDICT

Little bit communism

2: Estonia – Birgit Õigemeel – Et Uus Saaks Alguse

The curtain is being raised once more
The second act is starting, where I pick myself up and dust myself down
The same person, only with a different game to play
What lies ahead has changed, I’m taking a different path
And I know, I know
That things can get better
Every door that closes eventually opens again

What’s it about?
Being expelled from Workers’ Power for entryism, but being able to get it together and inveigle your way into the next rival sect on the circuit with minimum fuss.

Sounds like:
‘True’ era Spandau Ballet, a band which had TWO Labour Party members, only one tory and once played a miners’ strike benefit where they retitled “Gold” as “Coal” and changed all the words to be about coal and the sheer unfuckablewithness of the working class.

VERDICT

A LOT communism

3: Slovenia – Hannah – Straight Into Love

Straight into love
We’ll break through the dawn
And light the world up from the sky when we collide
Straight into love
And never let go
We’ll light the world up from the sky into the night

We’re turning the tide, with eyes open wide
There’s no stopping now
With all that we have, we stand on the edge
Before we dive down

What’s it about?
Obvious isn’t it? The dropping of the Workers’ Bomb.

Sounds like:
An acceptably hapless Eurodisco stomper.

VERDICT

PROPER COMMUNISM w Extreme Predge

4: Croatia – Klapa s Mora – Mižerja

Oh, these hard times are stony and raw, now.
Oh, these hard times! The wine flows no more now.
I have only what I trust in:
A faithful heart of purest love.

Oh, my rose so lovely,
All my life I’ll care,
And my final crust of bread
With you I’ll gladly share.

What’s it about?
The indestructible spirit of the international working class. We don’t need no fancypants pretend booze like”wine”. No. We can live on rocks and way past its sell-by date bread.

Sounds like:
A somewhat lugubrious ballad by some comrades in immaculate clobber. And why not? When exactly did communists begin to neglect their appearance and dress en masse like tramps or teenagers?

VERDICT

Proper communism

5: Denmark – Emmelie de Forest – Only Teardrops

The sky is red tonight
we’re on the edge tonight
no shooting star to guide us

Eye for an eye
why tear each other apart
please tell me why
why do we make it so hard
look at us now
we only got ourselves to blame
it’s such a shame

What’s it about?
The vicious sectarian infighting, deranged egoism and middle-class opportunism which has marred efforts to build a proper proletarian movement for the last 150 odd years. As the the SOLE non-sectarian grouplet in the UK, this tune’s insight cannot fail to impress us . Comrade De Forest! ¡Presente!

Sounds Like:
Annoying Alanisisms and paucity of ideas partially mitigated by ingenious “what shall we do with a drunken sailor” chorus.

VERDICT

A LOT communism

6: Russia – Dina Garipova – What If

What if I could change the path of time
What if I had the power to decide
What if I could make us unify
Together we can make a better place
On this little island out in space
Together we can change the world forever

What’s it about?
A speculative appeal for class solidarity spoiled a bit by some fairly naked vanguardist and messianic tendencies. Security conscious comrade Garipova’s suggestion that we should “bury our guns” is not a bad one, as long as we remember where we put them, otherwise come the big day, we’ll be looking at a lot of empty holes and what a seriously embarrassing military blunder that would be! Consequently, the bourgeoisie would crush us in a week or two. But Posadist flavoured kudos for giving space the mention.

Sounds Like:
Nondescript plinky Disney film fodder.

VERDICT

Little bit communism

7: Ukraine – Zlata Ognevich – Gravity

I’m like a butterfly
Spinning ‘round a sword as if to dare
I should have stayed up high
It’s stronger than me
My gravity

What’s it about?
The butterfly represents the final stage of the international proletariat’s emancipation, and the sword is the Workers Bomb, while gravity is simultaneously a force which anchors us to the principles of historical materialism and a bloody nuisance which inhibits our ability to explore the universe properly. There should be something about caterpillars, their cooperation with ants and the chrysalis process but there isn’t. Time and convention constraints probably.

Sounds Like:
Bravo comrade Ognevich! Ideologically sound subject matter and saucy but sensitive cultural appropriation of afrobeats.

VERDICT

PROPER COMMUNISM w Extreme Predge

8: The Netherlands – Anouk – Birds

Birds falling down the rooftops
out of the sky like raindrops
no air, no pride
birds

What’s it about?
Mass defenstration of informers and fifth columnists. No nonsense revolutionary justice in full effect.

Sounds Like:
A jazzy Dinah Shore-ish lullaby.

VERDICT

PROPER COMMUNISM w Extreme Predge

9: Montenegro – Who See – Igranka

I’ll take you to the party, to to to to the party,
It’s a party, it doesn’t stop, beat after beat, verse after verse

What’s it about?
Further proof of the SWP’s exponentially desperate spiral into the void.  This poorly judged and tragically executed recruitment effort, coming via a cruelly duped Montenegrin affiliate, will do little to arrest their sordid demise.

Sounds Like:
A couple of Trots in Atlantic fisherman overalls trying to rap, because that’s exactly what it is.

VERDICT

CommunISNT

10: Lithuania – Andrius Pojavis – Something

If you don’t know I’m in love with you
When summertime falls It becomes untrue
Because of my shoes I’m wearing today
One is called Love the other is Pain

What’s it about?
EP Thompson noted that cobblers were responsible for disseminating radical ideas in the early 19th century. The protagonist here yearns for all out revolution and the liberation of the class but is frustrated again and again by the twin shackles of bourgeois sentimentality (Love) and the fear of death, injury or incarceration (Pain) at the hands of reactionary forces. He just needs a new pair of ideological shoes in order to give the bourgeoisie the bootdown.

Sounds Like:
A drunken Ronan Keating who’s barged his way onto the stage during a particularly bewildered ferry band’s act.

VERDICT

A LOT communism

11: Belarus – Alyona Lanskaya – Solayoh

Friday night was going nowhere…
Sitting in a small café,
Feeling lonely, a little tired,
I’ve been working hard all day.

Then a noise caught my attention,
And I heard a wonderful sound;
Coming at me like a tsunami,
Nearly took my feet off the ground.

Solayoh, Solayoh, where the sun is always shining on ya
We play-oh, we play-oh to the rhythm of a cha-cha!

What’s it about?
The spontaneous, violent, infectious and euphoric nature of proletarian revolution, with a brazen nod to Cuba and Che for good measure.

Sounds Like:
Ace Turkish Klingon lady Sertab Erener’s 2003 entry, Everyway That I Can, but not in a sad way.

VERDICT

Proper communism

12: Moldova – Aliona Moon – O Mie

I would give you my love, but it wasn’t enough for us to make it last;
The Maya were not so wrong, it’s the end of the world! It’s done!
cause you are gone.

A million tears cannot wash up the sorrow that you made me feel;
A million of memories I try not to follow, but I cannot heal,
My heart is too ill
I thought that we can go on
But you chose to go alone
Go away! Now I’m done!

What’s it about?
The post-revolutionary purging of reformist and petit-bourgeois individualist elements, plus anyone else (list too long to go into here) who might be a bit sus.

Sounds Like:
Alan Partridge as Bond villain theme tune.

VERDICT

A LOT communism

13: Ireland – Ryan Dolan – Only Love Survives

All our lives
We’ve been afraid
Watching the world decline
Till nothing remains
But in our darkness hour
Right before the dawn
The old world dies
The new day is born

What’s it about?
The dropping of the Workers’ Bomb and the correct way to usher in the apocalypse. That’s the spirit. Communism Will Win!

Sounds Like:
Being stuck in a Limerick City traffic jam forever.

VERDICT

Proper communism

14: Cyprus – Despina Olympiou – An Me Thimasai

If you remember me,
Tell me if I will see you again
I wait for you
I will always be there for you

What’s it about?
Overly familiar comradeship. No idea what security procedures comrade Olympiou has been ordered to follow but usually, if one member of a revolutionary cell fails to contact the others within the agreed timeframe, then it must be assumed that they’ve been picked up or killed, and the cell is dissolved. Moping about the safe house on the off chance that the missing comrade just shows up is just asking for trouble like.

Sounds Like:
Your mum (or any other family member, or an acquaintance, or a housemate) finding a lump of cheese while cleaning out the fridge.

VERDICT

CommunISNT

15: Belgium – Roberto Bellarosa – Love Kills

Waiting for the bitter pill
Give me something i can feel
‘Cos love kills over and over
One last, one last, one last breath for life
Won’t you give me, give me hope tonight

What’s it about?
Unseemly panicking in the face of an unspecified and most likely vastly overestimated threat. Pull yourself together ffs Bellarosa. What’s going on in Belgium?

Sounds Like:
A hungover Leo Sayer crawling out of bed and spending 30 years groping his way to the toilet.

VERDICT

CommunISNT

16: Serbia – Moje 3 – Ljubav Je Svuda

I’m going to ask you in a year and so
When he cheats on you
then your heart will be just fish food
You know that

What’s it about?
The seductive and confusing yet inevitably treacherous nature of capitalism and its relentless drive to commodify all social relations.

Sounds Like:
A curiously disjointed but vaguely competent Eurodisco stomper.

VERDICT

Little bit communism

About proletariandemocracy

Proper Communism With Extreme Predge.
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5 Responses to Proletarian Democracy Eurovision Song Contest Preview (Part 1)

  1. nearlydead says:

    Reblogged this on nearlydead and commented:
    Better than Terry Wogan

  2. telescoper says:

    Reblogged this on In the Dark and commented:
    As we approach the evening of interminable tedium that is the Eurovision Song Contest, it’s refreshing to stumble across a Blog post that reveals the competitions true political and cultural significance

  3. Pingback: Eurovision Song Contest Final – A Proper Communist Perspective | Proletarian Democracy

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